As a big feeling kid in a large family I know I was a handful for my parents, especially my mum. Whenever I felt unseen, unheard or unfairly treated I’d often react in unresourceful ways and get myself into trouble. 🤷‍♀️

Like many parents back then, my parents disciplined me when they thought I was being too difficult or outspoken which usually resulted in tears, further arguments and me feeling controlled and powerless.

Over time though, I must have unconsciously decided it wasn’t worth speaking up which meant I began to suppress my thoughts and feelings by turning inward, which then developed into significant anxiety and an intense fear of speaking up. I often felt like I needed to prove myself just to be seen and heard. I wore my “good girl, people pleasing” mask on the outside, pretending I was OK, but during my teenage years, especially, I was in turmoil internally. I became incredibly insecure, anxious and full of self doubt, and despite being very capable, I underperformed and was very unhappy in Secondary School.

I don’t blame my parents for not knowing how to best manage my big feeling, sensitive nature. They did the best they could with the tools they had at the time. It’s also important to note that my childhood was also filled with many happy memories too, but sadly my overthinking and anxious thoughts often overrode that.

My anxiety levels in childhood certainly had a significant impact on me, which has meant I’ve needed to unlearn my less desirable childhood programming in my later years.